The 25th of November is White Ribbon Day, an international day in support of the prevention of violence towards women.
This year’s campaign brings awareness to healthy masculinity and cultivating respect within relationships.
The campaign encourages equality, healthy compromise and promotes open communication and vulnerability between partners.
We all know that these relationship ideals are not a reality for so many women – often due to the rigid beliefs around masculinity, and the roles women tend to play in relationships as a result.
Domestic violence is often hidden behind closed doors. For women suffering from Domestic Violence, self-worth and self-respect can be destroyed while living in a scary home with a violent and angry man. Abuse can be in many forms and may include physical, sexual, isolation, emotional abuse, economic abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege, or intimidation.
It takes a level of strength, power and inner fight to overcome self doubt and the fear of repercussions that leaving this type of relationship could create. It is not easy to leave and some never will because they fear for their lives. On average in New Zealand 9 women are killed every year from their partner or ex-partner (source White Ribbon New Zealand | Show you’re against violence towards women)
Women in these relationships are more stronger than most – they endure much pain and suffering. I salute those who have not yet left and I salute those who have found a way out. You are all beautiful and you are worthy of respect and happiness xxx
What is a respectful relationship?
A relationship is often formed on respect and love but for some these relationships can then very quickly turn abusive, and respect is no longer what is experienced. It can be difficult to see this when you are in it.
If we talk about what respect means for us it can help us more quickly identify behaviours that are not respectful.
What should we expect from a man when we think about RESPECT
How do we strengthen our knowledge about what respect means to us?
Identify what your values are
- When we know what our values are and what’s important to us, it creates stronger boundaries for what we will and will not tolerate. Take inventory of what is really important to you! Think about what you’re willing to compromise on and what is a red flag for you – not only looking at relationships, but in the conversations you have and the situations you find yourself in with friends and at work.
Strong sense of self
- Having a strong sense of self can help us confidently set boundaries and maintain high standards. Feeling undervalued within the workplace, feeling like we’re not being heard and comparing ourselves to others are ways we commonly let our sense of self slide. Sharing your opinion and being more vocal around what your needs are in situations that you’re not comfortable with is scary – but the more we practice this, the easier it gets! If we are in a respectful relationship our voice will matter.
Say no
- Create clear boundaries for what you will and won’t accept. Notice where you may have ‘leaky boundaries’ and how this is impacting your relationship to yourself. You may like to practice boundary setting slowly, like saying no to meeting up with a friend or taking the time to think about an answer before saying ‘yes!’ straight away.
Focusing on things you can control
- We often base our self-worth on things we can’t control, e.g. the outcome of a project, what others think of us or their reactions. Implementing some non-negotiables like daily exercise, meditation or journaling is a great way to stay in alignment with our own values, commit to ourselves and uphold our own standards.
You have got this Wahine Toa x
Where to get help
If you or anyone you know needs help, all organisations below run a 24/7 helpline and you can find some helpful information on their websites.
- Women’s Refuge – 0800 REFUGE
- Shine – 0508-744-633
- Help Auckland – 0800 623 1700
Women Step Forward take the White Ribbon’s pledge: “I will stand up, speak out and act to prevent violence towards women”.
The White Ribbon campaign is a movement that is very close to our hearts. Empowering women forms our why.
Ngā mihi nui
Mel Beirne
Mā te huruhuru ka rere te manu (with feathers a bird can fly)
